Kids are alright, are they?

It might seem a bit strange to take advice from a 20 year old about parenting or kids; well trust me it’s strange for myself as well but I couldn't help myself but write this. You might have skipped out on a very important fact and that is; I might be young to talk about kids but I personally have experienced the problems while being a kid so I preferably know better than the parents about exactly how they feel.

I’m going to keep it simple and it’s oriented towards Indian cultural beliefs starting with ‘arrange marriage’, along with its consequences and later I will be discussing about its ultimatum.

In Indian culture, people often get married in their early 20’s ‘cause helplessly they have no other choice and that’s what their parents think is the best for them; now some might say, it used to happen, now it doesn't anymore. I’m going to have to say: well I used to think that too but from what I've been seeing these days, I’m pretty sure that the old trend is back. India is not safe for women; now that has been proven way too many times so I’m not willing to have any argument on that. So the parents are marrying off their daughters in a very tender age now-a-days in order to keep them safe. Result; immaturity in the relationship causes mental breakdowns, extra-marital-affairs, fights with the spouse and ultimately divorce and sometimes if both are unlucky enough then unwanted pregnancy. In this whole chaos the kid suffers the most.

Now what do a couple of 25 years old (More or less) know about parenting? I know how the kid is going to feel after growing up ‘cause I've been there, my parents got married in their mid-20’s and I was conceived within 2 years of their marriage; they knew nothing about parenting, didn't even have the intention to learn. I grew up while my parents stayed separated and whenever they used to meet each other, they used to fight over silly things.

According to the Indian conventional method of parenting it is believed that we are here to take care of our parents; I say if that’s the case then why don’t they hire someone to do that for them? Why wasting someone’s entire life? The parents, they have big hopes for their children: if anyhow they fail to satisfy them then he/she becomes the subject to disappointment. So basically they create a servant for a lifetime that has to do according to them in the name of ‘reproduction’. That might sound stereotypical, however I agree, exception is always there; not all parents are like that. Actually sometimes in parenting the kid gets in the middle of a tug-of-war; both the parents are overprotective and orthodox so the kid has no choice but being a Doctor or an Engineer; both of the parents not so protective, well in that case the kid has a great choice of going in whichever way he/she likes even if it leads the path of ‘hell’, the most interesting and probably the worst one is one overprotective parent and another not so much; in that case imagine what happens when someone pulls the rope hard and one lets it go completely: exactly, you fall down and it hurts badly. All the time parents think about how they want them to be not what the kids wish to be. Later in life the kid suffers from several consequences, sometimes resulting in suicide. Some of them go astray; some become careless about life or his/her future; some unfortunately get themselves involved in reckless activities and some do exactly what their parents want just to please them without thinking about their own happiness. Now all of this reflects sorrow, pain, anxiety and anger later in their lives. They grow cynical and later when they get married, the same cycle continues; this is ever-ending.

There is possibly one solution and that is to be your own friend; parents might put pressure on you or they might try to mold you into something you are not but  you need to understand it all by yourself that parents are not forever: there’s a big amount of time in life that you have spend without them and you, yourself need to prepare for that. It might get out of hands sometimes, the best way to feel better is to talk; talk to them about how you feel or else they’ll never understand. A tip for all the parents out there: stop comparing your children to others, everyone is unique and if he/she hasn't turned out to be exactly how you wanted then it’s probably your fault, not theirs. The same thing goes for all the kids as well; you might have a bad life compared to a friend of yours but always know that there is someone out there who is in worse position than you; so stop comparing. ‘Every kid is special’ and you need to believe in that, someday you will rise, hard-work never lets anyone down; so be strong and ready to take whatever comes in your way; you will shine.